Just the other night, as I was digging into some savory Chinese takeout, I began to reminisce. When I was in college, there was this guy that made me feel nauseous at the near sight of him. He wasn't unattractive by any means; in fact, many women considered him the 'campus hottie'. In my eyes, he was just a regulation D-Bag with a piss-poor attitude. I don't care how great you look; it's like that saying goes 'you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of shit'. My friend had a class with him and he constantly demanded to copy her notes, only after sleeping through class after class. Upon her rejection, he said 'you obviously don't know the way things are done around here'.
It was a typical Friday evening at the bar and I see him roll up with a bag of Chinese takeout, but before he comes in, he places the bag on the roof - I guess he figured this was an inconspicuous place to store his drunk food. I guess he didn't consider the possibility that anyone would be curious about a random brown paper bag chillin' on a low roof. When I say low, I mean that Wee Man from 'Jackass' could reach it if he jumped.
When I decided it was time to call it a night, I ventured outside into the parking lot and eyed the bag. I walked over and grabbed it without even thinking twice. I couldn't wait to get home and explore the contents, which included spicy General Tso's chicken, rice, Wonton soup, and an added treasure: 1 eggroll. I'm about halfway through my meal when I realize my phone has gone MIA. I should've known that I wouldn't escape this risky operation unscathed. I had no idea where it was, but began to retrace my steps.
I trekked down the hill, across the football field and back onto campus. Along the way, I come across a few duck sauce packets and laughed to myself, thinking this is what I get for trying to teach that asshole a lesson. I stood in the dorm parking lot across from the bar, deciding I should accept my loss when I looked down and noticed my phone sitting on the curb.
Word on the street is that he incessantly searched for the culprit over the next few weeks; I don't think he found out it was me, but maybe one day, he'll come across this blog. I guess he didn't know the way things were done around here.