Thursday, January 30, 2014

Dude, where's your car?

If you're like me and pay attention to detail, you may be wondering what my URL name 'jennjoose' means.  I was originally trying to pay homage to my boy Snoop and use 'jennjuice' but since everyone and their mom's cat is blogging, any name that's relatively creative is already in use - this left me no choice but to spell juice like the fucktard that came up with the bright idea as seen below.

Believe it or not, Joose and I go way back.  The night I drank a can of this stuff can only be described as inexplicable - because I don't remember it.  Joose is described as a premium malt beverage with a 9.9% alcohol content; by the way, anything that costs $2.99 should never be labeled as premium.  Ever.  The can is adorned with skulls and roses which really makes you wonder if you just purchased 23 ounces of Ed Hardy's urine.  Didn't we grow up learning not to ingest products that have skulls on them?  That usually indicates it's poison and that no human should come even close to consuming it.   There was something alluring about it though, gleaming in the cold case like one of Indiana Jones' stolen artifacts.  When I grabbed it, I was surprised when a rolling boulder didn't crash through the wall and flatten me.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I popped the tab.  If it tasted as obnoxious as the can looked then it would definitely be like nothing I've ever had.  I was right.  I think I've finally figured out what antifreeze may taste like when combined with caffeine, guanine, and household cleaning products.  Making a conscious decision to drink this crap is like taking that hobgoblin you met at the bar home; you knew it was a horrible idea but did it anyway because you were feelin' crunktastic and knew it'd be a good story.  Because no good story ever started with a salad, right?

                                                            Before Joose

                                                              After Joose

Are there any questions?

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